Trolling the Norsemen

It’s a mistake to think that Pakeha culture in Aotearoa is predominantly anglophone. Although the English were the first Europeans to land, and the French were the first to plant grapes for wine (important things first, France), much of the infrastructure which was needed required Viking blood. 70-Mile Bush may sound like the sort of…

Mount Doom

As a kid, I assumed that the closest I’d get to Lord of the Rings remake would be watching my older brother ‘scale’ a modest hill at the park. His simple nature, small stature and absurdly large and hairy feet made him seem like a plausible hobbit to my mind. But no, a mere 15…

My first rodeo

(AKA): Crashing A Car In New Zealand Some stories are unusual. Some are hard to explain. This one is utterly insane, but completely true. For this, we’ll work backwards through the evening. It gets crazy, this was not your regular Friday evening. You need to know that this story is extremely graphic and upsetting in…

Chief Ingrangi

Elements of this story may be embellished. Hold on to the end to see the explanation if you must…. Destiny, it is said, is written and something which we are in no control of. Sometimes people rise to greatness, because it was meant to be and they are just taking their rightful place. Sometimes it…

On the road (again)

The Kiwis take a unique approach to the automobile and roads in general. As the corrugation nation is also a driving nation, let’s let’s break down what’s going on. Whereas most countries try to find direct routes for long distances and are less fussed over short distances, grid-planned cities and winding expressways linking them show…

The iwi and the pākehā

From the lookout nest on Captain Cook’s ship the Endeavour, Gisborne is the place where “Young Nicholas” first discovered New Zealand. In the same way in which an American friend of mine believes that pizza was invented in Chicago (complete can of worms to discuss that here, though). No. In reality Gisborne is the first…

The Corrugation Nation

New Zealand, it is widely known, has more sheep that people. They export them for meat and even make clothes from their wool! One enterprising farmer has decided to breed them pre-microwaved. Good look to them there. Yep. We’re going to engage with a lazy stereotype- but not quite in the way in which you’d…

Farm Zebra

Hawkes Bay is the bread basket of New Zealand, if indeed that bread is made of fruit and vegetables. It’s also where you might be able to get some of your wine, unless of course it comes from a different region in New Zealand- so we’re all clear there. It’s true that Hawkes Bayers take…

Aotearoa

Kia ora koutou, Devastatingly humbled that you’re on board again for Crashing A Bike in Aotearoa/New Zealand. A city with plentiful fresh farm produce served in an Art Deco style, Napier on the North Island’s Eastern coast makes a base for travel-based tomfoolery. It’s important to remember that some of the most well-known wineries in…